Nephew Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn baby.

"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.

"And why not?" asked Stan.

"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?"

Stan said nothing.

The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?"

"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor."

"Well congratulations, you're holding him."

Frank went to the Godfather one day and asked if job could be found for his nephew who was due to
arrive next week and stay with him until he gets settled.
"No problem," said the Godfather in his deep voice and then continued, "You are a good man to watch
for your relatives. Family is very important"
"Godfather, you should know ahead of time that the boy is deaf and dumb, though. But, he is very
smart," said Frank.
"That's okay," said the Godfather, "We'll give him a job as a bagman and he won't need to talk. You
are a good man Frank."
The boy had been working for about six months picking up numbers game receipts when the Godfather
called Frank into his office. Obviously very angry, he said, "That little scumbag nephew of yours has
been skimming from the collections. I figure he's stolen about $500, 000 by now and I want it back,
right now!"
Frank found his nephew more...

Jock's nephew came to him with a problem. "I have my choice of two women," he said, "a beautiful, penniless young girl whom I love dearly, and a rich old widow whom I can't stand." "Follow your heart; marry the girl you love," Jock counseled. "Very well, Uncle Jock," said the nephew, "that's sound advice." "By the way," asked Jock "where does the widow live?"

A greenhorn, not familiar with the manners of city folk, happened to be spending his holidays with his uncle in Lucknow. During his stay, there was a death in the neighbouring house. The uncle decided to take his nephew along to the bereaved family to offer his condolences. In proper Lucknawi style, the uncle began to extol the virtues of the dead man:' He was a great soul. He was not only your chachaji but the chachaji of our entire mohalla. May his soul rest in peace! We will miss him as long as we live,' And so on. Our greenhorn maintained a stiff-lipped silence.
Back home, the uncle reprimanded his nephew.' Don't they teach you manners at home? You should also have said something about the dead man being like your own real chachaji.'
The lad apologized saying he had never been to a condolence meeting before but would bear the advice in mind.
A few weeks later, a friend of the greenhorn lost his wife and he decided to offer his condolences in the formula prescribed.' more...

Jock's nephew came to him with a problem. "I have my choice of two women," he said, "a beautiful, penniless young girl whom I love dearly, and a rich old widow whom I can't stand."

"Follow your heart; marry the girl you love," Jock counseled.

"Very well, Uncle Jock," said the nephew, "that's sound advice."

"By the way," asked Jock "where does the widow live?"

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For
the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things -
chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was
obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was
running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun,
take the dogs, and go shooting?"
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off
he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were: His obnoxious brother.............................. Please Gogh His dizzy aunt..................................... Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes.......................... Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle.............................. Cant Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store....... Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia..................... U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white.......... Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois............................ Chica Gogh His magician uncle.................................. Wherediddy Gogh His Italian uncle....................................... Day Gogh His Mexican cousin.................................. Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother.......... Grin Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach................. Wellsfar Gogh The ballroom dancing more...