Neighborhood Jokes / Recent Jokes

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer
to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve
so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve as
Santa Claus landed on a rooftop, he suddenly heard a very
loud “Snort sniff honk honk snort! ” coming from one of his
reindeer.
Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn’t know which
one it was. It happened again, only louder this time: “Snort
sniff honk honk snort! ”
Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. “Shhh! ” Santa
hissed. “Please be quiet! ”
He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh
when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. “SNORT
SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT! ” Lights came on all over the
neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of
their windows.
Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove
quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all more...

I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it often turned out that they had had a hand in it.

Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.

The father replied:' Sure, do that before I kill them!'

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, and said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his gnarled and boney forefinger at the boy and asked:' Where is God?'

The 8 year old boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said more...

How do you know when Chinese are moving into your neighborhood? When the Mexicans start getting car insurance.

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to
be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so
no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve Santa Claus
landed on a rooftop and suddenly he heard a very loud, "Snort
sniff honk honk snort! coming from one of his reindeer.
Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one
it was. It happened again, only louder this time. "Snort sniff
honk honk snort!
Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. "Shhh! Santa hissed.
"Please be quiet!
He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when
he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF
HONK HONK SNORT! Lights came on all over the neighborhood and
some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.
Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove
quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the more...

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood. They we're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and decided to walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car and lands practically at their feet. Sally quickly picks it up and decides to take it home until they decide what to do with it. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars.
The husband says, "We've got to give it back."
She says, "Finders keepers," and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find or know about some money that fell out of an armored car more...

Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?" "Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup.""What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe. "Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another."