Louder Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
    The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"
    The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
    The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind.
    For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
    The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
    Again, louder, the priest more...

    After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband.
    He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walkin gback he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man.
    "It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting.
    The man's voice kept insisting... "That's not your deer, lady"
    The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine."
    "No it's not" said the man.
    The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer.
    Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat.
    "Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it!"

    Joe spent the evening tossing down a number of beers at the local bar. It was after eleven o'clock when he finally staggered out into the cold and rainy night in an attempt to find his way home. With the weather as bad as it was, he soon became lost, and found himself wandering through the town Cemetery. He slipped while walking and fell headlong into a freshly dug grave. In his condition, the rain and mud proved too much to handle, and he couldn't manage to climb out.
    "Help!" he cried out. "Help! I'm so cold!"
    A little while later, another over indulged inebriant left the bar. As luck would have it, the second man was nearby when he heard Joe cry.
    "Help, I'm so cold!" Joe continued to call.
    The other man staggered in the direction of the voice. It got louder and louder as he neared the cemetery.
    "Help! I'm cold! Help! I'm cold!"
    The second man followed the voice and approached the grave. As he peered over the side, Joe more...

    As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer
    to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve
    so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve as
    Santa Claus landed on a rooftop, he suddenly heard a very
    loud “Snort sniff honk honk snort! ” coming from one of his
    Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn’t know which
    one it was. It happened again, only louder this time: “Snort
    sniff honk honk snort! ”
    Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. “Shhh! ” Santa
    hissed. “Please be quiet! ”
    He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh
    when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. “SNORT
    SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT! ” Lights came on all over the
    neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of
    their windows.
    Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove
    quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all more...

    Edwin Land is famous for inventing the Land Camera, also known as the Polaroid - the first instant camera. But he could invent just about anything he turned his mind to. Once his wife, in desperation, asked him to invent something to shut the dogs up! Seems they had two bull misstifs that could raise a terrible racket when they got excited.
    So Edwin set his mind to it and invented a speaker that would shout at the dogs when their noise got to an intollerable decibel level. Since his was the only voice they would obey, the recorded message was in his own voice. And it worked; when the voice boomed out, it quieted them instantly.
    But, one evening the Lands were having a party and the house was full of guests, really making merry and whooping it up. The noise kept getting louder and louder, until finally a slamming door did it: it reached the decibel level to activate the speaker.
    "BE QUIET! SIT!" And of course all the guests, recognizing the master's voice did, more...

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