Naval Jokes / Recent Jokes

What kind of job do you do? a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment."I'm a naval surgeon," he replied."Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these days!"

A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He’d been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel’s and General’s names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy’s condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO’s of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, “Can I help you sergeant? ”
The TSGT said, “Yes sir, I’m here to activate your phone lines. ”

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT`S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a more...

The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young naval student. “What steps would you
take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?”“I'd throw out an anchor, sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“I'd throw out another anchor, sir.”“But what if a third storm sprang up forward?”“I'd throw out another anchor, captain.”“Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?”“From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir.”

A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with
Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October
1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval
operations, 10-10-95.CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are
accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous
support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees
north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or
counter-measures will be undertaken to more...

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard? ”
“Throw out an anchor, sir, ” the student replied.
“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft? ”
“Throw out another anchor, sir. ”
“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then? ” asked the captain.
“Throw out another anchor, sir. ”
“Hold on, ” said the captain. “Where are you getting all those anchors from? ”
“From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir. ”