Musical Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a bar carrying a very talented octopus. He says as much to the patrons of the bar, and bets $500 that the octopus can play any musical instrument that the guys can produce.

One guy accepts. He lays $500 on the bar, says, "Here's $500 that he can't play my trumpet." So he goes home and gets his trumpet. The octopus looks at it, scratches its head, turns it over, then starts to play, the most beautiful sound anyone has ever heard from a trumpet. The owner pockets his new $500.

Another guy says "Here's $500 that he can't play my clarinet." So he produces the instrument, and the octopus looks at it, turns it over, then starts to play, the most beautiful sound anyone has ever heard from a clarinet. The owner pockets his $500.

Another guy says, "Here's $500 that he can't play my bagpipes." So he get his pipes, and the octopus looks at them, puzzled, then looks at them some more. He does so for about 5 minutes, more...

If they had a musical condom yours would be singing "its a small world after all its a small world after allllll"!!!

Q: Whats musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt.

A musical set to the songs of Bob Dylan will close less than a month after it opened on Broadway, the show's public relations firm said in a statement on Wednesday.

The biggest problem? The musical was set to the songs of Bob Dylan.

A blonde decided to learn how to play a musical instrument to impress peers who were ridiculing her. She went to a music store, walked in, approached the store clerk, and said, “I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion. ” The store clerk looked at her a bit funny, and replied, “OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator’s got to stay”.

What is musical and handy in the supermarket. A Chopin Lizst.

MUSICAL OFFENSES FINE
* Playing loudly during warm up $10
* Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
* Loud cursing after mistake $10
* Playing high and fast after mistake $20
* Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
* Asking for "E" tuning note $25
* Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
* Playing written-out walking line $50
* Failure to play written walking line $75
* Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
* Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
* Playing eighth notes $5 each
* Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
* Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
* Dragging fast tempo $75
* Dragging ballad tempo $100
* Blacking out during ballad $200
* Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
* Following drummer's tempo $250
* Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000