Mummy Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's daddy," says Bob, "is mummy near the phone?" "No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an uncle Frank, honey!" "Yes I have, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mummy!" "Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to mummy and uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead." "Oh my god... And what about uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he more...
There was a small child who (being a very well behaved child) would say her prayers before going to bed ad night. One particular night, her mother overheard the prayers. 'God bless mummy, God bless daddy, God bless my brother Billy and may Rufus rest in peace'. The mother was confused because the family dog was alive and well but thought little of it. The next day, the family arose to find Rufus stone dead on the kitchen floor.
That evening, the mother listened again. 'God bless mummy, God bless daddy and may Billy rest in peace'. This time the mother was distressed. After several hours consulting with her husband, however, she had been convinced that Billy would be all right - so she went to bed. Sure enough, the next morning, Billy was found, dead as a doorknob.
After a somewhat traumatic day, the child prepared to go to bed. This time both parents listened. 'God bless mummy and may daddy rest in peace'. The parents were frantic. The father spent the entire evening watching more...
"Mummy, I'm bored."
"Go and wacth Daddy work. He's in the bedroom."
A while later... "Mummy, I just saw Daddy in bed on top of another woman. What was he doing?"
"He was being nice, sweetie." says the mum with an angry face.
"I think I know the girl, Mummy."
"Who, sweetie?"
"Isn't she that girl that you always hang out with?!"
Sally – "Mummy, why can't I go swimming in the sea?"
Mum – "Because there are sharks in the sea."
Sally – "But mummy, daddy is swimming in the sea."
Mum – "That's different, he's insured."
"Mummy, Mummy!" called Little Johnny one day. "Do you know the beautiful vase in the dining room that's been handed down from generation to generation?""Yes", said his mother. "What about it?""Well the last generation just dropped it."
First day
A proud young mother sees off her son to school on the first day.
"Be a good boy, my boobaleh! Be careful and think of mummy, sweetest! Come right home on the bus, honey! Mummy loves you very much, baby!
At the end of the day, she’s waiting for the bus and sweeps him into her arms. "And what did my love learn on his first day at school?"
"I learned that my name is David."