Moishe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mind reader
My cousin Moishe owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in North West London, a furniture store.
I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to check out the merchandise himself and because he was still single, he could check out all the hot Italian women, and maybe get lucky.
As Moishe was checking into a hotel, he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English, so neither understood a word the other spoke.
He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of more...

Moishe the Cowboy
In the early 1800`s, Moishe had to go to Omaha on business.
He went to the stagecoach office and asked, "How much ah teeket to Omaha?" The clerk responded, "five dollars". "Too much!" he complained. "Anyvay, I ain`t got $5, I only got $2, so dere!". "Well you ain`t goin ta Omaha for $2, so forget it!" said the clerk. "Liss`n, I got ta get ta Omaha. I got vely imput`n buiness dere. Pliess! Maybe you could do sumtink for me?" "I`ll tell you what I can do," said the clerk. "We need somebody to ride shotgun. Gimme the $2 and you could ride shotgun." "Vutaya talkin` ride shotgun? I need ta ride on da stegecoych!" said Moishe.
"No, No! You don`t understand!" said the clerk. "You ride up on the top with the driver. You hold this rifle and if you see any Indians, you shoot `em."
"Vut you talkin` shoot Indians? I ain`t never shot no more...

At the tavern
Abe walks into the local tavern and sees his friend Moishe sitting at the bar. He puts his hand to his heart and yells: "Oy vey, Moishe! I`m so sorry to hear about your shop burning down."
Moishe spun around quickly and whispered, "Shhhh..... it`s tomorrow!!!"

Mealtime
It was mealtime during a flight on El Al.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" Moishe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front. "What are my choices?" Moishe asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

The book purchase
Did you hear about Moishe, who was sexually inexperienced? One day, Moishe went into a bookshop and bought “How to Hug ”
Later on, when he started to read his latest purchase, Moishe realised it was Volume 7 of the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Who will it be, then?
Moishe had been single for a long time. One day, he excitedly tells his mother that he`s fallen in love at last and he is going to get married. She is obviously overjoyed.
Moishe then tells his mother, "Just for fun, Mum, I`m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I`m going to marry."
His mother agrees.
The next day, Moishe brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they all chat for a while. Then Moishe turns to his mother and says, "Okay, Mum. Guess which one I`m going to marry?"
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That`s amazing, Mum. You`re right. How did you know?"
"I don`t like her."