Moishe Jokes / Recent Jokes

The reading of the Will
Moishe has died. His solicitor is standing before the family and reads out Moishe’s last Will and testament.
“To my dear wife Sadie, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million pounds.
To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.
To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and £250,000.
And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp.”

A tourist in San Francisco is walking around in Chinatown and sees a sign that says "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry". Moishe Plotnik??? Where the heck does that come from???
So he walks in and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. He asks, "How did a place like this get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well who and where is the owner?"
"Me right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did YOU get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple...Many year ago when come to this country, standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, "What's your name?" He say, "Moishe Plotnik." Then she look at me and go, "What your name?" I say, "Sem Ting...."

A young, single man, having no family, often ate at a restaurant in the center of the city of Chelm. He knew the owner Moishe and he ate there regularly. The only other restaurant in Chelm, Chaim's, was located directly across the street from Moishe's.
One day, the young man went to eat at Chaim's and when Moishe saw what happened, he was totally distraught. He said, "how can you not eat at my place? Are we not like family?" The young man replied that indeed they were.
Moishe asked,"Isn't my food good?" The young man replied that the food was delicious and that the portions were exceedingly generous. Moishe then asked, "so why did you go eat at Chaim's restaurant on the other side of the street?"
The young man replied that he had terrible toothache on his molar on the far left side of his mouth. He was told that the intinerant dentist would not be in town for another week. Therefore, the young man explained to Moishe, "I went to the Rabbi more...

New Career
Moishe came home from work one day to find his wife, Yvonne, sitting on the front door step with her bags packed. Moishe asked her where she was going, and Yvonne replied, "I`m going to Las Vegas."
Moishe questioned her as to why she was going, and Yvonne told him "I just found out that I can make £1,000 a night doing what I give you for free." Moishe pondered that for a while, went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the front door and his wife.
Yvonne said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
Moishe replied, "I`m going, too."
"Why?" She asked.
Moishe said, "I want to see how you are going to live on £1,000 a year."

The Jewish husband
Moishe is talking to one of his friends.
“My wife Bettie will never have to work. All she needs to do is cook, clean, scrub, wash, iron and sew.”
His friend said “That’s nice to hear, I am sure she appreciates you”.
“Well, I am not so sure,” replies Moishe. “Bettie thinks I’m too nosy. Well, that’s what she wrote in her diary, anyway.”