Middle Ages Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know you're getting old when you pick up the phone and a woman asks, "Do you know who this is?" and you say no and hang up.

The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies' man, and decided to flirt with the comely waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned.

"Actually, sir," she pointed out sweetly, "for the first forty-five years of it, I wasn't even around."

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Two elegant ladies were out for their weekly luncheon and had been sitting for a very long time in the restaurant. One of the ladies said, "We've been sitting here for so long my rear end has gone to sleep!"

The other lady responded, "Yes I know, I heard it snoring."