Mess Jokes / Recent Jokes
Don't Mess with Condoleeza, Mr. President!
Mess with the Bull you get the Horns!
Tried To Warn Ya!
Don't mess with this old lady
An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over, farts and says...
"Broccoli. 49 cents a pound!"
One of my husbands duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S. C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
One day a farmer saw a young man ride up, the man asked if the could stay in the barn for the night.After a while the farmer said "yes but not to mess with his daughters or wife", the man said " sir if i mess with your daughter i will give you that silver saddle on my horse.The farmer looked and agreed. That night the man when out and got both daughters and his wife. the next day he got a early start the daughters got up and yelled " you basterd get back here with our silver saddle", then the mother came out and yelled "you son of a bitch get back here with my silver saddle" and the he farmer came out and yelled "you son of a bitch get back here with my silver saddle and the youngest girl looked and said "pa did he get you too"
Chow TimeOne of my husband`s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"Checking to see that he had everyone`s attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
There are examples of some charming misprints. In Pune Cantonment they have a separate mess for officers of the Intelligence Bureau. The signboard reads "Intelligence Mess".
Again in Pune, a devout truck driver has printed behind his vehicle: "God is grate." Another warning overtakes "Horn Blow". And a butcher advertises his wares as "Farash meet of Pork sold here". The best is the signboard on a bakery: "Bakery Number One Dilruba & Sons The biggest loafers in town."