Mess Jokes / Recent Jokes
Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and as such was always trying to impress his company commander and the other officers in the Command. Daily he was seen jumping all over his officer candidates and yelling at them as he supposedly developed them into future Naval Officers. We were lined up behind his company awaiting our turn to go into the mess hall for lunch. We all listened as Sargeant Williams yelled at his company, " you will eat in a military fashion, enjoy this delicious meal and fall by in formation at 1215, do you worms understand me?" "Yes drill sargeant." "There are only three rules in this galley, shut up, eat up and get up, do you pukes understand me?" "Yes drill sargeant." "Then proceed. Company forward march." When they got inside, they were surprised to see several Miss Florida contestants getting a tour of the mess hall. Not one to let an opportunity slip by more...
1. "Can I help you get a size?"
(Don't touch that, I just spent an hour folding it and I don't need your hands messing it up again.) 2. "Do you need help with anything?"
(Quick, my manager is coming around the corner and I need to look busy.) 3. "Welcome to (Store Name Here)"
(Good, another customer to mess up my entire store just to buy a pair of socks.) 4. "Have a nice day!"
(Now that you ruined mine.) 5. "Thank you for shopping at (Store Name Here)"
(Thanks for emptying your wallet with us!) 6. "Do you need a shopping cart to help you carry your items?"
(The more you can carry, the more you can buy!) 7. "I love your shirt! Where did you get it?"
(Your shirt is much nicer than the clothes we sell here. Why are you even shopping here?) 8. "Can I help you get something down?"
(I'll get a ladder and put it up for you since this other nice customer put in the absolute wrong more...