Mayor Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an old priest who had grown sick and tired of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
The parishioners liked the old priest so much, they came up with a code word. When someone had committed adultery, they would instead say that they had 'fallen'.
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until he passed away at a ripe, old age. Several days after the new priest arrived, he visited the town's mayor and seemed very concerned.
"Mayor," the priest said, "something must be done about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me that they have fallen."
The mayor began to laugh, realizing that no one had thought to tell the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor had a chance to explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and said, "I more...

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope''s authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo'', the mayor?" The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?" The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?" The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: more...

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word.

Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times more...

An old priest was getting sick and tired of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday in the pulpit he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Everyone liked him, so the parishioners came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. The priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

THE local paper had been dropping some pretty hot hints about the conduct of the Lord Mayor and his sexy secretary. Finally a lawyer's letter was sent, and the paper promised to print a bold statement, clearing up the matter. There followed a headline: There is nothing between the
LORD MAYOR AND HIS SECRETARY. The Lord Mayor's lawyer rang up the editor to say:' This will not do; it could be taken two ways. Next week's edition will have to clarify the matter beyond doubt.'
All this time the editor was playing for time; he wanted to get enough on the Lord Mayor to be able to defend a libel action, and he had got it. Therefore he gladly promised to clear the matter beyond doubt. The next edition came out with: Not even a sheet.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"

The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"

The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"

The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"

The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

** All of the following quotes have been attributed to Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.. . **

'The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.'

'I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.'

'If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate.'

'First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.'

'I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less.'

'The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.'

'I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?'

'People have criticized me more...