Matters Jokes / Recent Jokes

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the
magic in the stick.

I found these humurous and easily clasify people.
Agi Tator: Whenever things get dull, Agi is always there to stir things up. She is often a nuisance, but many times keeps everyone on their toes by disturbing the comfortable status quo.
Cogi Tator: Cogi is a thinker. She is different from her brother Medi because Cogi thinks deeply about matters that will affect the way she acts. She weighs everything carefully before acting and attempts to make sure she has considered all the alternatives.
Common Tator: Common always has advice or criticism on any subject. Always talking and always very authoritative sounding, he often sounds like he knows what he is talking out, but usually doesn't.
Devis Tator: Devis is a revolutionary. He believes in confrontation, radical changes. It is his philosophy that the only way to change something is to destroy it and start all over. Devis is weak on alternatives or ideas for rebuilding and considers that someone else's job.
Dick more...

The Internet Newbie's Song

Sung to the Major General's song from
'The Pirates of Penzance'
by Gilbert& Sullivan

I am the very model of a Usenet individual,
I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I know the basic elements of alien biology,
And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology,

I've seen' The Wrath of Khan' and every Star Trek film that followed it,
I moan about my Servicecard and how the cash till swallowed it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST!

ALL: With many cheerful etc.

I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama,
And why the USA is still a better place than Canada,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.

ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He more...

WARNING FOR THE HUMOR IMPAIRED-THIS IS SATIRE
These are smilies :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Use them liberally where indicated.
There has been a considerable call for a Creationist FAQ, which
doesn't seem to be forthcoming in any great hurry. In the interests
of facilitating matters I have decided to jump the gun and provide
a provisional Creationist FAQ. Regard this as a provisional effort;
I am not an expert in these matters and may have erred in a few small
details. Criticisms and suggestions for improvement are welcome.
Speculations on my private life will be met with dignified silence.
Q: What is the principle evidence for Creationism?
A: The Holy Bible, of course. After all, is it likely that the author
of the Universe would be mistaken about its age?
Q: But isn't the Bible religion and not science?
A: Truth is truth. It's a poor sort of science that ignores truth.
Q: But isn't there a lot of evidence for evolution?
A: Not more...