Martial Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.
2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.
3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.
4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.
5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate.
6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.
8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.
10) The entire more...

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts
Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:
The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom more...

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts: The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam. In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

10) Broken masonry makes great drainage for potted plants. 9) Get beaten up by people half your size and twice your age. 8) Never run out of kindling wood again. 7) No need to wonder what belt to wear. 6) Get to be on first name basis with the Emergency Room staff. 5) These uniforms make nice pajamas. 4) Never need to wonder why it's hard to get up in the morning. 3) Get to appreciate the finer points of Chuck Norris' acting. 2) Learn to count to 10 in 3 different Asian languages. And the top reason for studying martial arts: 1) (Tie) Get to star in Ginsu commercials. / Three words: free nose job.

13. Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target. 12. First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully. 11. Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector. 10. The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese. 9. The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie. 8. The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges. 7. Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys. 6. Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor. 5. Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end. 4. Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!" 3. You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on. 2. Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the more...