Mall Jokes / Recent Jokes

15. Virgin or not, time to move little Miss Britney to the
"Naughty" list.

14. Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox
knock-offs.

13. Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock
certificates instead.

12. Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding
information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.

11. Administer nine little Breathalyzer tests.

10. File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16
wasting the sleigh.

9. Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too
careful!

8. Remove candy canes from pants pockets during mall photo
sessions -- getting tired of explaining things to the D. A.'s
office.

7. Write letter to self asking for threesome with Mrs. Claus and
Heidi Klum.

6. Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen.

5. Attend weekly meeting at more...

Did you hear bout the tragedy at the mall??
There was a power shortage at the mall and 4 blondes were stuck on the escalator for 4 hours!!! lol

I was sitting in one of those vibrating chairs at the mall –
That thing went all the way down my spine, unhooked my bra, and grabbed my ass –
Not bad action for$1.00 for 2 minutes! I closed my eyes, leaned back to relax, and when I opened them - I had drawn spectators! I thought all the voyeurs in the mall had gathered around to watch my tits jiggle! Come to find out they were looking at my chin!

Dashing Through The Mall
(sung to Dashing Through The Snow)
Dashing through the mall. ..
On a late December day,
Through the $tores we go
Charging all the way...
Ching. .. Ching. .. Ching. ..
Bell$ on register$ ring
Making checkbook$ light,
Oh, what fun it is to buy up
Everything in $ight!
Ching. .. Ching. .. Ching. ..
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The kids all yell and scream
To us it sounds like anarchy
But to them it's harmony-HEY!
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The children tipped the tree
Antique ornaments smashed to bits
The kids each say "not me"
Dad goes to work each day
Engineering things for flight
But his real job is at home
Refereeing little fights
Mom drives the kids around
In an ancient Caravan
Karate, swimming, children's choir
Espresso in her hand-HEY!
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Our wish to you is that more...

A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll". The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19. 95, Barbie dates BaddTeddy for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19. 95, Cyber Barbie for $19. 95 and Divorced Barbie more...

While the minority of citizens who actually voted tuesday may have turned to CNN, FOX and the regular networks for election night coverage, empty headed mall rats that night were glued to the V Channel(Vacuous Lifestyle Channel) for wall to wall coverage of the Brittany Spears Divorce. V Channel conducted their own exit polls at parking lots of suburban malls across America. By a 10-1 margin, young mall rats said the divorce filings would not effect their decision to not vote, not register to vote and remain as ignorant of current affairs as possible.

A woman who ran to the mall for a quick errand lost her purse, but an honest teenage boy returned it to her. The woman looked inside her purse and remarked, "That's strange. Earlier I had a $20 bill inside, but now it's gone, and instead I see two fives and a ten." "That's right," the boy explained, "the last time I found a lady's purse, she did not have change for a reward."