Magistrate Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock,' What are you charged with?'
The prisoner replied,' Doing my Christmas shopping too early.'
'That's no crime', said the magistrate.' Just how early were you doing this shopping?'
'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.

While Pu Zhuanzheng was serving as county magistrate in Hangzhou, a sorcerer begged for an audience. Though over 90 years of age, the sorcerer had the complexion of a baby. Zhuanzheng was very glad to see the old man and inquired of him the secret of long life. " Well," said the sorcerer," my method is simple and easy to follow. There's no taboo whatsoever. Just keep away from women, that's all." At this the magistrate mediated for some time and said: " In that case, what's the use of living to be one thousand years old?"

During the reign of Dali of the Tang Dynasty, a man named Feng Xile in Jingzhou was very good at flattery. He once had an audience with the magistrate of Changlin County and was treated to dinner. "You are so kind that even the tigers and wolves are moving away," he told the magistrate. Just then one of the magistrate's aides came to report that someone was eaten by a tiger last night. The magistrate asked why and Feng Xile answered, " It was merely passing by.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happenin

The criminal in the dock knew of the magistrate's love of cricket. He was asked his name.' Jack' Obbs,' he said.

'Jack Hobbs?' said the surprised magistrate.

'Oh, I see. Nice try Jacobs. Three months.'