Magician Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a captian of a cruise ship who would leave to go see a magician perform after he got off duty every night.
The captian had a parrot who understood every trick and would reveal every one. He would yell out "squaawk its in his sleeve or ssquaawk its in his pocket"
One night the magician reached his boiling point and pulled out his pistol and tried to shoot the parrot.
Instead he missed and hit a propane tank and blew the ship into a million pieces.
Everyone died except the parrot and the magician. They floated for days and said nothing.
Five days later the parrot says"squaawk ok I give up what did you do with the damn ship?"

A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, "He does it with a mirror" or "He's got it up his sleeve." The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence. One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes. Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with f uel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying more...

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said,' 'You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.

The first man went down yelling,' 'Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.

The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.

The third guy went down the slide yelling' 'wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. /p>

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, more...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.
"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the more...

A magician seeking bookage at Radio City Music Hall asserted, "I've got a trick that will panic them."

"What is it?" asked the manager.

"I saw a woman in half," announced the magician proudly.

"You call that a new trick? Scoffed the manager. "Why they've been doing that around here for years."

"Oh yeah, "snapped the magician. "but LENGTHWISE?"