Madam Jokes / Recent Jokes

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking
the main cause of Mad Cow disease.

The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the
possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this
disease?"

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull
mounts a cow only once a year?"

The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):" Well, sir, that's a new
piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon
and Mad Cow disease?"

The Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"

The reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what
about getting to the point?"

The Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was
playing with your tits twice a day and only
screwing you once a year, wouldn't you more...

Once A Teacher Told To Her Children'Nowadays Everyone Uses Short Forms Like Mom And Dad".
So A Child Raised His Hand And Said "Can We Call You Mad Instead Of Madam!

The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to... "
"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.
"You have?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's exactly what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked a blushing Mrs. Jones.
"You just leave everything to me," he replied. "Usually, I try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread more...

"Can I help you?" the madam asked
"I want Natalie," the elderly man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is our most expensive lady, perhaps someone else..."
"No," said the man, "I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $10,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her 100 hundred dollar bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, after which the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. The madam explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $10,000 per visit. Again, the man took out the money and the two went up to the room.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money, and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour, Natalie questioned the man: "No one has ever paid for more...

A tourist in a strange town notices that her watch is broken. She starts
looking for a repair shop. After a long and frustrating search she
finds herself in an area where many shop signs are in Hebrew. Finally,
she notices that one of the stores has all kinds of clocks and watches
ticking merrily in the window. She walks into the shop and puts her watch
on the counter in front of the proprietor.
Tourist: "Would you please repair this watch."
Proprietor: "Madam, I cannot repair your watch."
T: "But why not? It is an ordinary model."
P: "Madam, I do not repair watches. I am a moel, I perform circumcisions."
T (irritated): "Then why on earth do you have all these clocks in your window?"
P: "Well, and what should I have in my window?"

Joe had lived with his wife Mary in their little home deep in the woods for
fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to the
big city and they checked into an upscale hotel.
Mary had a complaint for the bellman. "We refuse to settle for such a small
room. We don't have any windows or fan, or even a bed!"
"But, Madam!"
Mary interrupted the man. "Don't you' But, Madam' me!" she stormed. "You
can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel
much, and we've never been to the big city, and we've never spent the night
at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager!"
"But, Madam," the bellman finally got out, "this isn't your room. It's the
elevator!"

An American tourist in Punjab walked into a beautiful deserted forest and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed and just as she was about to dive in, Santa Singh the gardner appeared from behind the bushes where he was hiding all along and said,' Madam! Swimming not allowed!''
You could have told me that before I took off my clothes!', the American woman scolded him.
Santa Singh replied,' Madam, only swimming not allowed, taking off clothes allowed!