Madam Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Day A Lady Goes To A Shopkeeper Looking Furious And Carrying A Pouch In Her Hand
Shopkeeper: Madam! What Happened Madam Why Do You Look So Furious?
Lady: I Bought This Toy From You Yesterday And You Said It Was Unbreakable.
Shopkeeper:(Checks The Toy)
Madam I Don't Think I Have Lied The Toy Is All Right.
Lady: Ya! I Now You Are True But My Son Monu Broke All His Other Toys Using This Unbreakable Toy

Teacher: Ramya And Shilpa!, Why Are You Late For School, Today?
Shilpa: Madam, I Lost A One Rupee Coin And Was Searching For It.
Teachear: Ramya, What About You?
Ramya: Madam,, I Was Not Able To Move Beacause I Was Hiding That Coin Under My Feet.

Have I?
Moishe, an elderly man, goes to a brothel and tells the madam that he would like a beautiful, young lady for the night. The madam gives him a quick look-over and is rather puzzled. So she asks him, "How old are you?"
"Why," replies Moishe, "I`m 98 years old today."
"Ninety-eight!" the madam exclaims. "Don`t you realize you`ve had it?"
"Oh," he says, "in that case, how much do I owe you?"

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale."Good morning, madam. I've come to....""Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in."Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies""That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?""Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!""Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and more...

It was an awful winter at Valley Forge, and, realizing he had to do something to keep his men from freezing, General Washington decided to quarter as many as possible in the surrounding village.
Mustering the men, he set out. The first place they reached was a tailor's shop. Though the man had a family often, he said he would gladly make room for one soldier.
"All right," said the grateful general, "I ll leave you with Cox. He's the shortest man in the regiment and will inconvenience you the least."
Moving on through the bitter winds, the general came to what was obviously a brothel. Although his morality was offended by the thought of staying there, he knew the welfare of his men must come first. Thus, he rapped on the door.
When the madam arrived, General Washington doffed his hat and said, "My good woman, my troops need warm beds for the night. If there is any way you could accommodate us, it would be deeply more...

A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string. He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam." Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy." Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam. The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand." One lady coming up." says the madam." And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy." Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean." The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam." One dirty girl, coming up," she says. The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?" The little boy looks the more...

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!! Otherwise you will be eating s**t!!!!!