Mad Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Can you help me? asked Alice." No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at more...
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.
At first the guy more...
One day two cows were chatting over the fence between their two fields. The first cow said, "I'm telling you, this mad cow disease is getting pretty scary! I've heard it's spreading so fast that it's already on Farmer Rubin's land just down the road!"
The second cow replied, "So what? It doesn't affect us chickens!"
Q: What's the difference between PMS and Mad Cow Disease?
A: The number of tits!
Once there were two friends one had no brain his name was mad and one was very intelligent. One day mad was crying and the intelligent boy saw mad that he was crying so the intellingent asked mad that what is ur problem and mad answered that the thief stole his cow. So the intelligent boy said that go to police station and file and fir. So the mad said that i dont know how to file an fir. the intelligent boy told him that go to the police station and tell the police officer that somebody stole his cow and that day stars were shinning, dogs were barking and the theif picked up the cow and ran away. So the mad went to the police station and said this to the police officer: "somebody stole my cow, and that day stars were barking, dogs were shinning and the cow picked up the thief and ran away. the police officer!!!!!!
Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light. Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car? A: It took him four hours to get the bass player out. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The piano player can do that with his left hand. The annoying drumsThis guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums. This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where more...