Mad Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags! "The four men didnt wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as more...

Once a Minister went to the Agra Mental Asylumto see the condition of the mad people kept there. He saw that some mad people had gone from bad to worse and some mad people were improving.

After inspecting some mad people he came to a corner and saw one person who was sitting rather quietly. He went to him and asked him how are you and that person calmly replied I am fine and asked "What about you Sir".

The Minister was quite surprised at the reply. The Minister asked him many questions about General knowledge and to his surprise the mad man answered them all right.

The surprised Minister told him,"you dont seem to be mad then why are you kept here.

The person replied,"kya kare sahab majburi hai".

The minister took out a cigarette packet and took one cigarette and gave the packet to the lunatic. He took out all the cigarettes and peeled the paper cover off and took out all the tobacco and put it on his head more...

Q. Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race? A. Because all his friends shout, "GO-RILLA!"

An Elderly Lady Did Her Shopping And, Upon Returning To Her Car, Found Four Males In The Act Of Leaving With Her Vehicle. She Dropped Her Shopping Bags, Drew Her Handgun, And Proceeded To Scream At Them At The Top Of Her Voice, "I Have A Gun And I Know How To Use It! Get Out Of The Car, You Scumbags!"

The Four Men Didn't Wait For A Second Invitation, But Got Out And Ran Like Mad.

The Lady, Somewhat Shaken, Proceeded To Load Her Shopping Bags In The Back Of The Car And Get Into The Driver's Seat. She Was So Shaken That She Could Not Get Her Key Into The Ignition. She Tried And Tried, To No Avail.

And Then It Dawned On Her Why.

A Few Minutes Later, She Found Her Own Car Parked Four Or Five Spaces Farther Down. She Loaded Her Bags Into Her Car And Drove To The Police Station.

The Sergeant To Whom She Told The Story Nearly Tore Himself In Two With Laughter And Pointed To The Other End Of The Counter, Where Four Pale Males more...

Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out. They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, Ill do it myself," and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you dont know Im not going to tell you."

There’s this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird’s foul mouth is driving him nuts.
One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT! ” But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets angry and says, “OK for you, ” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but more...