Lone Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. The
Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around
Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger
returned to the bar to finish his drink.A few minutes later, another cowboy more...
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and more...
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground..."
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex
education with her fourth grade class because she realizes
Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny
remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the
teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in
her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the
teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh,
that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny
raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher
calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the
Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of
Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed
every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was
relieved but puzzled, "And what more...
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her 4th grade class because she realizes little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentinve throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." Very good, William." cooed the teacher "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watching TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" more...