Lights Jokes / Recent Jokes

DISCLAIMER: The sender of this joke and web site provider are not responsible or liable for any thing that happens while attempting these things.
CAUTION: Not to be attempted by anyone under 5 years driving expereince!
Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
Two words: Chicken suit.
Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
Stop at the green lights.
Go at the red ones.
Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
Eat food that requires silverware.
Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
Sing without having the radio more...

a blonde and a brunette were driving down the highway on a saturday afternoon. the brunette was driving and the blonde was in the passengers seat, as they were driving the brunette said watch behind us to make sure there arent any police men with thier lights on behind us. so they went along and about 30 mins later the brunette said are there any police cars? the blonde replied, "
yes one right behind us"
. "
are thier lights on?"
asked the brunette. the blonde thought for a while and replied "
yes, no, yes no, yes, no, yes, no( etc.)

Arriving at their honeymoon suite the newlyweds realize that since they were both brought up the old traditional way, both were still virgins and neither knew how to have sex. After half an hour of trying to figure out how to go about things, the husband comes up with an idea.
"Ok, honey," he says, "here's what we'll do. You go into the bathroom and I'll go into the closet. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. On the count of three, we'll rush out at each other and it will happen right in the middle of the bedroom."
Not having any better ideas, the wife agrees. She goes into the bathroom and he goes into the closet. The anticipation is driving him crazy and as he starts to remove his clothes he begins to get an erection.
The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush out into the bedroom towards each other. Since the room is so dark, the husband becomes disoriented and rushes right past his wife... more...

1. "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."
2. "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
3. "What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knot?"
4. "Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker."
5. "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."
6. "Give me that!"
7. "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."
8 "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"
9. "You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
10 "Have more...

Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway with either indicator flashing, but going nowhere.
Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway even when the road is almost entirely empty.
Picking your nose and believing that no-one can see you.
Not realising that there is any other setting for your lights than high beam.
Indicating to move into a lane that you're already half way in.
falling asleep at the wheel, just in time for the lights to turn green.
Sounding your horn one nanosecond after the lights change to green if the car in front hasn't sped off.
Sending sprays of wiper wash right over the top of your car and washing the one behind.
Overtaking then pulling in front and slowing down.
Sharing whatever is on your car stereo with anyone within a mile radius.

One day, a man who had just turned 50 retired from his job. It was his birthday, and he was waiting for his surprise party from his wife when he got home. As he walked into his house, ther was no one there. He looked around and found a not laying on the counter. It read, "I've left you for George, we're through." The man was dumbfounded, and extremely pissed. "Who does she think she is? Leaving me for my best friend on my birthday?" He got mad and tore up the house. On his way out, he ripped up the neighbors yard as well. He got in his car and sped down the road, going 80. He stopped at a car dealership and looked around. "What the hell," he thought, "I'll get the speed demon I've always wanted." So he traded in his car and some extra cash for a speed demon. He was flying down the road, going 130 when he saw blue lights flashing. "I don't care anymore, screw him." So he ran from the cops. After a grueling chase, he was stopped. more...

One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads. Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans. Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post. Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest. A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. Drinks on the house are illegal. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b) Smoking in the state more...