Letter Jokes / Recent Jokes

A story concerns itself with a wholesaler in New York who sent a letter to the
postmaster of a small mid-western town. He asked for the name of an honest lawyer who would take a collection case against a local debtor who had refused to pay for a shipment of the wholesaler's goods. He got this reply:“Dear Sir:
“I am the postmaster of this village and received your letter. I am also an
honest lawyer and ordinarily would be pleased to accept a case against a local debtor. In this case, however, I also happen to be the person you sold those crummy goods to. I received your demand to pay and refused to honor it. I am also the banker you sent the draft to draw on the merchant, and I sent that back with a note stating that the merchant had refused to pay. And if I were not, for the time being, substituting for the pastor of our local church, I would tell you just where you could stick your claim.”

"Johnny, I`ve had a letter from your Principal, said the father.
It seems you`re very careless with your appearance."
"Am I, Dad?"
"Yes. You haven`t appeared in school since last semester!"

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?
It's a dead letter day.

A Letter from a S/W Professional to his girl friend:
Sweetheart, I've seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For long time, I've been lonely, this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just uncompiled program without you which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results.
/* which I never experienced before */. With this letter, I just want to convey you that, if we are linked together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for human being to live a error free life. Also don't bother about the more...

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A. E. I. O. U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G. I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter more...

A Rabbi was opening his mail one morning.
Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck"
At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced: "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter."

Little Johnny was in class when his teacher asked them to say a word for each letter she called out. Very nervous about asking dirty mouthed Johnny until she came to the letter "R".
"RAT" he replied...."a BIG FUCKING RAT!"