Letter Jokes / Recent Jokes

ARTERY.. . . . . . . . THE STUDY OF PAINTINGSBACTERIA.. . . . . . . BACK DOOR OF A CAFETERIABARIUM.. . . . . . . . WHAT DOCTORS DO WHEN A PATIENT DIESBOWEL.. . . . . . . . A LETTER LIKE A, E, I, O, OR UCESAREAN SECTION.. . . A NEIGHBORHOOK IN ROME CAT SCAN.. . . . . . . SEARCHING FOR A KITTYCAUTERIZE.. . . . . . HAD EYE CONTACT WITH HERCOLIC.. . . . . . . . A SHEEP DOGCOMA.. . . . . . . . A PUNCTUATION MARKD & C.. . . . . . . . WHERE WASHINGTON ISDILATE.. . . . . . . TO LIVE LONGENEMA.. . . . . . . . NOTA FRIENDFESTER.. . . . . . . . QUICKERFIBULA.. . . . . . . . A SMALL LIEGENITAL.. . . . . . . NOT A JEWG. I. SERIES.. . . . A SOLDIER'S BALL GAMEHANGNAIL.. . . . . . . COAT HOOKIMPOTENT.. . . . . . . DISTINGUISHED, WELL KNOWNLABOR PAIN.. . . . . . GETTING HURT AT WORKMEDICAL STAFF.. . . . A DOCTOR'S CANEMORBID.. . . . . . . . A HIGHER OFFERNITRATES.. . . . . . . CHEAPER THAN DAY RATESNODE.. . . . . . . . . WAS AWARE OF OUTPATIENT.. . . . . . A PERSON WHO HAS FAINTEDPAP SMEAR.. . . . . more...

My dear Jagjit,
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles away.
I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said more...

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.

"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like' ass' or' asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".

"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with more...

A soldier's letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where i am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear.
Two weeks later, another letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where I am, but yesterday i danced with a hula girl.
Two weeks later another letter home:
Dear Mom, I still can't tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl.

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson." I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like' ass' or' asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple"." Very good", said the teacher, "now B". Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball". This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up. The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny. Johnny stands up and says: "R... more...

After many unhappy replies from our current
vending service we decided that what they
really needed was a different form letter
that was more closely tied to their true
feeling:
BFD Vending Service
Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
about our vending serve
-We are aware that your machine as not been stocked in 50 days.
-We are waiting for the weekend.
-We are out of items that have expired.
-We're busy, don't bother us about this.
-We don't care.
-We are aware that the price for you
seems high at $10,000.000, but we have to make a living.
-We use an algorithm 50% retail for people your age.
-We charge others more.
-We adjust it to allow for spoilage. We are aware that the sodas are warm, the milk is curdled, sandwiches are stale, gum is hard, candy bars are petrified and assure you that that is the way it is supposed to be, really!
-We understand that the bill changer can't, coin return won't, product more...

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.