Laura Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Saturday morning, Dave, who's an avid hunter, wakes up anxious to go bag the first deer of the season. As he enters the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, he finds his wife sitting there, dressed in camouflage.
"Laura, what are you up to?" he asks.
"I'm going hunting with you!" she replies.
Although Dave has many reservations about this, he reluctantly agrees to take her along. When they arrive at the hunting site, Dave sets her safely up in the tree stand and says, ""If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
He then walks away with a smile on his face, knowing that Laura couldn't bag an elephant, let alone a deer. But, not ten minutes pass when he's startled as he hears a barrage of gunshots.
He quickly begins running back. As he gets closer to her stand, he hears her screaming, "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, he races faster towards his screaming wife. more...

Some years ago when Bill Clinton was still President, he gave George W. Bush a tour of the White House. While there, George was amazed to find that Bill Clinton had his very own solid gold urinal! "Maybe when I'm President, I can have a gold urinal too," he thought to himself. He went back and told his wife Laura all about it. The next day, Laura Bush also visited the White House and had lunch with Hillary Clinton. During their talk, Laura mentioned the beautiful gold urinal her husband had seen in the Clinton's bathroom... but Hillary said nothing. That night when she went to bed, she told Bill: "I found out who peed in your saxophone."

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do more...

A couple of weeks before being sworn in, George W. Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said," when I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the president had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."

"Oh, Laura!" cried her neighbor, "I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. He was such a wonderful man. I'm sure he left you well provided for, didn't he?" Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will. I miss him so much that I'd give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a fancy solid gold urinal.
That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think " he said, "when I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that self-induligible!"
Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone.

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately call each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man more...