Larry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I have a wife and three children and I’d love to have you visit us. ” “Great. Where do you live? ” “Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I’ll let you in. ” “Good. But tell me… what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow? ” “Surely, you’re not coming empty-handed. ”

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip? ”
“Well, ” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great. ” “Is that so? ” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars. ”
“Thanks, ” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund. ”
“What are you studying in school? ” asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology. ”

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in - then the trouble started.

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees abuilding on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding herpet cat in her arms." Hey, lady," yells Larry, "Throw me the cat." "No," she cries, "It's too far." "I play football, I can catch him." The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves toLarry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catchit. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handedcatch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks intocheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles hisknees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

Larry Long, 33, a Kentucky man high on marijuana and drunk on whiskey put his 5-week-old son in the (off) oven Sunday and left him there overnight, police said.
When asked if he had any children, Larry responded, "I have one kid, and one in the oven!"

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

Laurie David cites "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for ending her 14-year marriage to'Seinfeld' co-creator Larry David. "Irreconciliable differences" is Latin for'banging another dude.'