Labor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival,
    the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer, by kinetic
    energy, a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.
    He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor
    of it. The doctor initially set the pain-transfer level to 10 percent, saying
    that was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as
    the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead
    and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain
    transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
    The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he
    was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband
    continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out
    the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to more...

    Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor."What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says,' Yep, diesel fitter.'"

    Collecting Unemployment
    Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
    When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
    The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
    She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
    Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
    When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
    "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
    "What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

    AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
    DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
    FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
    FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
    FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
    GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
    HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
    IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
    INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
    OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
    PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
    PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
    SHOW more...

    The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?" "2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor." Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1. 5 million for materials, 1. 3 million for labor, and 0. 2 million for licenses and permits." Finally, the president asks the last company, Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million." "FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you breakdown more...

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