Craving Jokes

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are more...

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question, dork?

Q. Will I love my dog less more...

* One Star Hangover

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a huge steak and a side of gravy fries.

** Two Star Hangover No pain.

Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee/coca-cola you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a Bacon & Egg McMuffin combo (with orange juice!!!). Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is surfing the internet and writing junk e-mails.

*** Three Star Hangover Slight more...

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her. "What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?"
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her. "What's the matter, can't you cut it?"
John Wayne Bobbit
Sex drive: A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.
Robert Byrne
Sex drive: A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at prison.
Mike Tyson
Sex drive: A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends my marriage.
-Gunga Jim
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limit.
Unknown
The difference between kinky and perverted is... uh I don't know.
Richard Gere

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question, dork?
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might more...