Knickers Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two girls go out one weekend without their husbands and got somewhat inebriated.
Staggering on their way home, they both desperately need a wee and with no public toilets in sight the nearest venue was a cemetery, so they both ducked behind the fence to relieve themselves. After they'd
finished, the first woman took off her knickers to wipe herself and then
threw them away. The other woman, realising she was wearing some
very expensive knickers, didn't want to throw hers away and so looked
around for something else and decided on using the ribbon off a nearby
wreath.
So now, feeling a lot better, they carried on with their stagger home.
The following morning the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone. One commented, "I think we need to start keeping a closer eye on our wives you know. I reckon they're up to no good. My wife came home last night without any knickers on!"
The other one replied, "Tell me about it! If you more...
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of knickers?
A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on".
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers" she said.
"That's right..." said the husband, "...and don't you ever forget it.
"I'm the man who wears the trousers in this family".
With that she flipped him her knickers and said "try these on".
He tried them on and found he could only get them as far as his knees.
"Hell...", he said "I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your f**king attitude changes"
Q. What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
A. Nice tits!
Q. Why do they call it PMS?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's the difference between a muff-dive and a speed-trap?
A. With a muff-dive you always have a clear view of the cunt!!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why would a bloke give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A. Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and get fucked.
Q. What's the difference between a police car and a pair of knickers
A. You can only fit one cunt in a pair of knickers.
Q. What did Yul Brynner say to Freddy Mercury in heaven?
A. So the fags got you too! !
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q. What's the definition of a more...
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite." Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it. The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose." Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. more...