Jumper Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?'

The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.'

The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!'

The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.'

The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!'

The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.'

The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!'

The would-be jumper replied,' Who?'

With that the Alabama man said,' Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump'

An annotated thermometer
60 Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens
40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Minnesota ice cream sales peak
British cars don't start
25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 Too cold to ski
Snow removal becomes political controversy in Chicago
You more...

A guy walks into a bar just before closing with a pair of jumper cables wrapped around his neck and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Okay, but don't you go starting anything."

You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...

A pair of jumper cables goes into a bar, the bartender says "alright, I'll serve you but don't start anything."

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar, sits down on the stool and orders a beer. The bartender looks them over for a second and says, "Okay, you can stay, but you'd better not start anything."