Issues Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over more...

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than more...

A few years ago Charlie brown and the peanuts gang made a new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special entitled, "why me, Charlie Brown?"
Recently MetLife put out a series of instructional pamphlets which feature the gang dealing contemporary problems.
Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues how about Peanuts specials for kids of the 90:
We learn about VD in:
"IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN"
Chuck & the little red-headed girl learn about unwanted pregnancy in:
"ITS BLUE, CHARLIE BROWN!"
Is Linus gay?
"ITS A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN"
See how the Peanuts Gang deals with date rape in:
"NO MEANS NO CHARLIE BROWN!"
Discover a father's forbidden love in:
"ITS OUR LITTLE SECRET CHARLIE BROWN"
Franklin speaks! The Peanuts gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in:
"IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN"
What goes on the more...

Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your campaign by your wife`s comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a great guy"?

Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hillary and myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say a few things about Germany she certainly didn`t mean anything offensive by her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hillary`s life, which can be construed as derogatory toward the German people. We honor them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was one-quarter German. And it certainly isn`t true that Germans are excluded from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was more...

Editor's note: Not to ruin the joke, but it might be a bit offensive, especially to those sensitive to women and violence issues. Thus endeth the Warning.

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There was a Women's Rights Meeting, and all the Women who had been "liberated" previously were planning on getting together and discussing their various successes.

An English woman stood up and said, "After our last meeting, I went straight home and told my husband that I was not going to cook for him any more, I am not here just to serve him, and he better start pulling his own weight. After the first day, I could not see any changes, after the second day, still could not see anything, after the third day, he cooked a meal, it was not the best thing I have tasted, but it was a start, and now, 6 months later I am getting gourmet meals all the time."

An American woman stood up, and said, " After our last meeting, I went straight home, and told my husband that more...

How to manage them so you can read this site at work.
When told to do something that can't be done... argue a bit, then go play solitaire for awhile. After about 2 or 3 hours, come back and say "I tried... sorry, it can't be done." Usually this will satisfy their insistence on their ideas at least be tried.
Don't provide solutions, just more and more issues and questions.
Do EXACTLY what they tell you. This works well for bosses who have no idea what's going on and only use vague statements. You can't get in trouble for doing what they say...
Make references to the nice weather and how you should would like to be out there golfing. Eventually they will grow tired of hearing you and go play golf.
When your boss comes near you, start to sniffle or cough... and be sure to warn them that you 'might be getting that nasty cold that so and so has had for the last month.' I have found that this quickly sends bosses hiding for cover in their office.
Send more...

Rule One~: If you pull into my driveway and honk
you'd better be delivering a package, because
you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two~: You do not touch my daughter in front of
me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not
peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will
remove them.
Rule Three~: I am aware that it is considered
fashionable for boys of your age to wear their
trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult,
but you and all of your friends are complete
idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You
may come to the door with your underwear showing
and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not
object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of you date with more...