Intimidating Jokes

I was once told that I am a physically intimidating person, which is perhaps both the strangest thing I’ve ever heard (little me, intimidating?) and the coolest thing I’ve ever heard (a mere glance will convey the message “Outta my way, sucka, or your head will be pulp” – boy, what power!).

There might be some truth in that. I found that out recently on a New York City street corner while waiting for friends to show up for dinner. While standing around, looking high and low for my party to arrive, a guy came walking down the dark street and into the glow of the streetlight illuminating my spot on the sidewalk. There was something about this guy that looked very familiar, but I couldn’t place it immediately – and it was weird, because I knew the face but it didn’t seem to fit the guy’s body.

Then I realized who it was: Edward Burns, the actor/filmmaker. And when I identified him to myself, I had a double reaction. First, I was appalled to finally more...

A blonde went to the hospital to visit a friend who had recently undergone surgery. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a very large, intimidating looking machine which had various tubes, wires and dials.
"Boy, I sure would hate to have to be hooked up to that thing!" the blonde said.
"So would I," the technician replied. "It's a floor cleaning machine!"