Inscription Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch.

The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf.

She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest.

"How much is it?" she asked.

"One hundred and fifty dollars," he replied.

She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.

"But it comes with an inscription," he said.

"What kind of inscription?" she asked.

"Whatever you wish," he explained, "but one of the old golfers favorites is, NEVER UP, NEVER IN."

"OH, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place!"

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife..... cold as ever" Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband..... stiff at last"

A young Italian bride was having a talk with her mother on her wedding
night.
She said, "MaMa, I'va never been with a man before and I'm ascared.
Whattama gonna do?"
Her mother says, "Baby, just go to your husband, and you'll know what
to do".
So, the nervous bride goes upstairs to her husband and closes the
bedroom door behind her. While she's standing across the room, her
husband takes off his shirt.
"Oh, my goodness" she screams as she runs out the door and down the
stairs to her mother.
"MaMa, he's a gotta hair all over his a chest!"
Her mother replies, "Honey, that's OK, he's a man, he's supposed to
have a hairy chest. Now go up back to your husband."
The nervous bride again goes back upstairs to the bedroom and closes
the door. Her husband takes off his pants.
"Oh me goodness!" she screams as she runs out the door and down the
stairs to more...

Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankensteins monster? HERE LIES FRANKENSTEINS MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband gave his wife a gift ~ a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife ~ cold as ever. ”
Later, the furious wife bought a return gift ~ also a tombstone ~ on which the inscription read: Here lies my husband ~ stiff at last. ”

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."