Indian Office Jokes / Recent Jokes

An officer from the weights and measures department was giving a lecture on the metric system. He ended with the words, "From now on, I want you to think millimetres, talk millimetres and dream millimetres -every inch of the way."

The managing director of a large company sent for his personnel manager and told him, "My son will be graduating from an engineering college next month. I want you to take him on as your assistant. But mind you, I don't want you to show any favouritism towards him. Treat him as you would treat any other of my sons."

In the corridor of a government office was a signboard reading "Don't make a noise."
Someone added the following words: "Otherwise we may wake up."

A mother was reprimanding her son for having stolen a pencil from school. The father of the family intervened, "Beta, you must not steal at school; if you need anything in the way of stationery, I can always get it for you from the office."

Two tigers disappeared from the Delhi zoo. Not a trace could be found of them anywhere. Then suddenly one day six months later, they were back in their cages. One was skin and bones; the other had put on a lot of weight. They began to compare notes. Said the thin tiger: "I was very unlucky. I found my way to Rajasthan. There was a famine and I couldn't find anything to eat. The cattle had died and even the humans I ate had hardly any flesh on them. So I decided to get back to the zoo. Here at least I get one square meal every day. But you look healthy enough. Why did you come back?"
Replied the fat tiger, "To start with I was very lucky. I found my way to the government secretariat. I hid myself under a staircase. Every evening as the clerks came out of their offices, I caught and ate one of them. For six months no one noticed anything. Then yesterday I made the mistake of eating the fellow who serves them their morning tea. Then hell broke loose. They looked for more...

Corruption has become an integral part of our life. A gentleman, after giving matrimonial advertisement for the proposed marriage of his daughter, went on to visit four applicants for better match-making. The first one he visited was a young lad working as a clerk in the Customs department. His parents told the visiting guest that their boy drew a salary of Rs. 1600 per month and an additional income of Rs. 2000 from' above'. The other boy visited was a clerk working in Excise and Taxation department. The boy got Rs. 1650 as salary and Rs. 2500 per month from' above'.
A similar explanation came from a boy's parents who was working as a clerk in B & R department: "Rs. 1600 as salary and Rs. 2000 from' above'." Last came the turn of an Army sepoy. "The boy is in the Army and gets Rs. 1500 as salary per month plus ration and leave travel free," was the reply of his parents. "What about the income from "above"?" the visiting guest asked. more...