Improved Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know you're Castle Trash if... Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvetYour daughter's chastity belt has rustedYou can't afford a cod piece... nobody noticesYou have more sheep dogs than sheepYou sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have...The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little whileThe Pope sends you to the Crusades... in NorwayYour armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gumYour wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettierThe grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottomYour wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdomYou won "most improved " at the tournamentThey call your daughter made MarianYour family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort"Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by sausage sizzle.4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, just conceivably, a wharfie.5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallet by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. We might have very stupid thieves. Or really stinky sand shoes.7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate.8. All our best heroes are losers.9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in more...

You know you're Castle Trash if...
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet
Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted
You can't afford a cod piece... nobody notices
You have more sheep dogs than sheep
You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have...
The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little while
The Pope sends you to the Crusades... in Norway
Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum
Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier
The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom
Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom
You won "most improved " at the tournament
They call your daughter made Marian
Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort"
Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son