Hughie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wee Hughie was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the mad man was up to, he politely asked, `What are you doing there, Hughie?` `My goldfish died,` replied Wee Hughie tearfully without looking up, `and I`ve just buried him.` The English neighbour was very concerned. `That`s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn`t it?` Wee Hughie patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, `That`s because he`s inside your cat.`

Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What`s the story this time. Hughie? " he asked sarcastically." Let`s hear a good excuse for a change. "Wee Hughie sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn`t turn up. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office." You`ll have to do better than that. Hughie, "said his boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

One day Wee Hughie bought a bottle of fine whiskey and while walking home he fell. Getting up he felt something wet on his pants. He looked up at the sky and said, "Oh lord please, I beg you let it be blood!"

Wee Hughie adored and loved his girlfriend, Lorraine, to whom he was engaged to be married. Wedding plans were well underway and he was looking forward to spending the rest of his lfe with Lorraine. However, a beutiful young lady, called Clearly, came to work in his glen and they found that they got on together very well and as time went by, Wee Hughie realised that he was in love with Clearly and that the Love was reciprocated. Being a gentleman he decided that as he had promised to marry Lorraine he would do so and steadily removed himself from his other relationship. One day, he and Lorraine were walking along the banks of the River Tay. As they walked, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and was swept away and drowned. He stood on the bank for a few minutes feeling very sad before walking away singing happily. And this is what he sang. "I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone"

Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. " What's the story this time. Hughie? " he asked sarcastically. " Let's hear a good excuse for a change.
" Wee Hughie sighed, " Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up.
Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office. "
You'll have to do better than that. Hughie, " said his boss, disappointed. " No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

Wee Hughie was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked: ‘Anything I can get you, Hughie?’ No reply. ‘Have you got a last wish, Hughie?’ Faintly, came the answer.. . ‘a wee bit of of that boiled ham over yonder.’ ‘Wheesht, man,’ said Maggie, ‘you know fine that’s for the your funeral.’