Clearly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

    This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

    My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, Jim, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as
    well as informative:
    Dear Dr. Laura:
    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
    the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    specific laws and how to follow them.
    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor more...

    Quotes from D. C. Mayor Marion Barry
    " The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
    - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    " I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
    - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    " If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
    - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    " First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
    - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    " Bitch set me up."
    - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    " I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
    - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    " The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is more...

    there once was a guy named Jimmy and he was dating a girl named Loraine. well a while later when Jimmy was losing interest in their relationship, he met a girl named Cleary. well when the time came jimmy was going to tell loraine about cleary, he took her on a walk along the beach. as they made it a ways down the beach, a huge wave swallowed loraine into the ocean never to be seen again. Jimmy was so relieved he didnt have to tell Loraine about cleary. He Skipped the rest of the way down the beach singing..."I can see Clearly now Loraine is gone..."

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