Horse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse.
A horse is hung like him..

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and apologized for bonking him. Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady.
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob.
"He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady.
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob.
"I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...

A Pastor was walking past a pet shop one day when he noticed a sign in the window: "Christian Horse for Sale." Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion. He agreed to allow the Pastor to take a "test run."The Pastor grabbed the reins. "giddyap." The horse ignored him. "no, no," counseled the owner. This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!" The Pastor did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop. "He won't answer to 'Whoa', said the owner. It's "Amen."The Pastor decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his ranch in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said, "Praise the Lord," and went riding into the countryside.Suddenly, more...

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the thestranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heardthat flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with yourfellow passenger."Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and saidto the stranger "What would you like to discuss?""Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?""OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But letme ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eatgrass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cowturns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Whydo you suppose that is?""Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea.""Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified todiscuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"

Banta goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse`s ass, and blow the pill up there." Banta comes back the next day, and he looks very sick. The vet says, "What happened?" Banta says, "The horse blew first."

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily,

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it more...