Horse Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night". So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night. The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night. So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry. The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".
What has four legs and see just as well from either end? A horse with his eyes closed!
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says,' 'All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout,' ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.'' The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers' Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks,' 'It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells,' 'ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to more...
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said,' did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yep,' the little boy said,' he sure did!'
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said,' Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.'
To go along with the cop, the little boy said,' Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes, He sure did,' said the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said,' Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.'
Jon bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse, so he could tell the difference. That worked great, until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and ended up looking exactly like the other horse's tail, so he was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested Jon notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine, until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, he couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black horse.
What happened to Lady Godivas horse when he saw she had no clothes on? It made him shy!