Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hilarious insults, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious!

You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.

You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.

After hearing you talk, I now know that the more...

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know." Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won`t you please stay?" she queried. Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said "Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?" With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman. "Santa---you decided to stay??" she asked. more...

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctors?
A: Because it felt crummy.

Q: What did the wall say to the other wall?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.

Q: What did the man say when he walked into the bar?
A: OUCH!

Q: What kind of cheese is not yours?
A: NA-CHO cheese.
Ahhhhh its hilarious. i love it.

A man approaced a very beautiful woman in a large super market and said.
"You know I have lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you please talk to me for a couple of minutes"
"but hows that going to help? " asked the woman
Well replied the man " because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of no where "

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so
he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed
wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile..... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband`s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home
to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her
e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow`s son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which
read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I`ve Arrived
Date: 16 May 2002

I know you`re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I`ve just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been more...

One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver.
He starts saying things like, "If my Mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster," the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on... "If my Mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant, I would be a little male elephant," the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on... "If my Mom was a female dog and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog."
The bus driver got so mad, and asked, "If your Mom was a prostitute, and your dad was a homo, what would you be?"
The boy answered, "A bus driver!

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year.
Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it`s still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man`s daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What`s going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7, 50 and now only Rs. 5. What`s the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It`s very expensive, so I had to cut costs.
This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don`t plan to educate them all at my expense."