Golfing Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

A man and his wife went golfing one day. The man ended the day by calling the authorities due to a golf ball hitting his wife in the head and instantly killing her. At the morgue, the pathologist explained to the man that the golf ball was indeed the cause of death of his wife. The pathologist did have one question. He asked the golfer how another golf ball had made it's way up his wife's ass. The golfer explained, that was my mulligan. (For the golfing novice, a mulligan is a free shot)

One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, "If I died, would you remarry?"
Peter thought for a second then said "Yeah I guess I would".
Then his the wife asked, "well would you have her as your golfing partner?"
Peter replied, "yep I probably would do that too".
"But surely you wouldn't give her my clubs?!", she cried.
Peter looked at her and said, "Nah, shes left handed."

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one.
Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out more...

God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole.
It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver.
Then Moses said,"God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it."
So God said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake.
So Moses said, "See God, I told you that would happen. I'll get it this time but you'll have to get it next time." So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back. After that, everything was going fine.
Until the 18th hole, straight away, with a long lake on the right. Moses hit a nice straight shot down the fairway. Then God took out his more...

God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole. It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver. Then Moses said,"God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it." So God said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake. So Moses said, "See God, I told you that would happen. I'll get it this time but you'll have to get it next time." So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back. After that, everything was going fine. Until the 18th hole, straight away, with a long lake on the right. Moses hit a nice straight shot down the fairway. Then God took out his driver. Moses said, more...