Girlfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy took his blonde girlfriend on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, the guy catches a fish.
As they're driving home, they're really depressed. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The girlfriend says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didnt catch any more!"

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game
for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked
the game. "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I
just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other for 25 cents."
What on earth do you mean???"
Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and
then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming
was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend.
"As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"!
The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.
"He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.
"He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.
The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend."As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"! The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket."He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table."He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I want to have sex with you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I will screw you from behind and be on my way!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.
The lady said, "That Son-Of-A-Bitch had $500 in quarters".

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar, enjoying a drink. The girl goes to the bathroom and returns crying, so her boyfriend asks her what happened.
"When I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wants to kiss my breasts all night long!" she sobs.
The boyfriend stands up and removes his jacket.
"Then, he said he wants to screw me all night long!" she moans. By this time, the boyfriend is furious and starts walking towards the pool table.
"And then," she continues, "he said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night long!" The boyfriend stops in his tracks, turns around, sits back on his bar stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned. "Aren't you going to do anything about that jerk at the pool table?" she asks.
"I'm sorry, honey," the boyfriend says, "but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer!"

After several assault charges, an Ontario judge has ordered that Steven Cranley, 24, is not allowed to have a girlfriend for the next three years.

Cranley will do the next best thing, go gay and find a boyfriend to abuse for the time being.