Genie Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day Jesse Ventura came ashore with his Seal Team unit and as he walked down the beach he kicked a bottle that was sticking out of the sand. The cork popped loose, and out came a genie who immediately asked Jesse to make three wishes.
His first was to be a famous star. The genie replied she was a bit rusty right now but would make him well known as an actor.
His second request was to be a great athlete. The genie answered that she would do her best with his physical attributes and make him a well known and successful professional wrestler.
His third request was that he becomes governor of Minnesota.
The genie explained that was probably more than she could accomplish as Minnesota was filled with powerful liberal democrats and their families - the Mondales, the Humphreys, the Andersons, etc. etc. etc. and told him to make another wish.
Jesse then asked that Cleveland be Super Bowl Champions.
"What year do you more...
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie."Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish I would like my love handles removed."
"Poof!"And just like that... her ears were gone.
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said,
' 'OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the fourth time this month and I''m getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get one wish.''
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
' 'I''ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I''m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?''
The genie laughed and said,' 'That''s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel! No, think of another wish.''
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said,
' 'I''ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don''t care more...
A BLONDE, BRUNETTE, AND A RED HEAD..WERE STANDED ON A DESSERTED ISLAND...THEY WERE WALKING AND WALKING AND WALKING AND SO ON... THE RED HEAD FINDS A BOTTLE AND THERE WAS AN INSCRIPTION ON IT BUT IT WAS COVERED IN SAND SO SHE RUBS IT OFF ALL OF A SUDDEN A SUDDEN MIST OF SMOKE COMES OUT FOLLOWED BY A GENIE..."WOW" THE RED HEAD EXCLAIMS...THE GENIE SAYS,"NOW NORMALLY I WOULD GRANT THE PERSON THAT LET ME OUT OF THAT GOD FORSAKEN BOTTLE 3 WISHES, BUT SINCE THERE ARE 3 OF YOU IT WOULD ONLY BE FARE IF I GRANTED EACH OF YOU A WISH" THE 3 GIRLS AGREED SO THE GEENIE ASKED THE RED HEAD WHAT IS YOUR WISH? THE RED HEAD REPLIES "I WISH I WAS AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY" POOF! SHE WAS HOME..SO THE GEENIE ASKS THE BRUNETTE WHAT IS YOUR WISH? I WISH I WAS AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY..POOF! SHE WAS HOME..THE GEENIE THEN TURNS TO THE BLONDE AND ASKS WHAT HER WISH IS? SHE RELPLIES.."I AM NOW ALL ALONE,"SO WHAT IS YOUR WISH THE GEENIE ASKS?," I WISH MY FRIENDS WERE BACK! more...
So this guy walks into a bar carrying a moving box, and he says to the bartender "If I show you the coolest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free beer?" And the bartender says, "Well, sure, but I've seen some pretty cool things in my life, so as long as it tops that, you get a free beer." So the guy puts his box ontop of the bar and opens it, and inside there's a little man playing a piano. Now the bartender says, "Woah, that's so amazing, where did you get that guy? Here's your beer" And the guy says "Well, I ran into this lamp here," and he pulls out the lamp, "and I rubbed it, and the genie gave me this" Now the bartender is so amazed and he says "Dude, can I try it?" And the guy lets him, and the bartender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out and gives him the three wishes schpiel and the bartender says "Okay, I wish for a million bucks" And right away, a million ducks appear in the bar, and through more...
A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
“I will grant you three wishes, ” announced the genie. “But there is one condition. I am a lawyer’s genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well–only double. ”
The man thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars, ” he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that £10, 000, 000 had been deposited. “But every lawyer in the world has just recieved £20, 000, 000, ” the genie said.
“I’ve always wanted a Ferrari, ” the man said. “That’s my second wish. ”
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But every lawyer in the world has just recieved two Ferraris, ” the genie said. “And what is your last wish? ”
“Well, ” said the man, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant. ”
A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house. The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp. The husband asks: "Did we break that too?" "Yes", replies the man." Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks." No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?" The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer." "Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces." Second, I want a million bucks a week for life." "Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie more...