Genie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Clinton is walking around in the White House when he stumbles upon a very old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Within seconds, a genie pops out
"I will grant you but one wish" the genie says.
Clinton thinks it over, and says, "I wish for peace in the middle east."
"Where is that?" the genie asks.
Clinton pulls out a map and points to the mid-east.
"Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long they've been fighting over there? There's no way I can stop that! Pick another wish instead."
Clinton thinks it over and says, "I wish that the American people wouldn't make fun of me and my wife, and that I will be remembered as the best President of all time."
The genie says, "Let me see that map again."

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!" "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway! " The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. more...

Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"
"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."
"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."
First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."
The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"
"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!", she exclaimed.
"No", said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Lets see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage."
"And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want."
"I would like to get rid of these love handles, though." "Yeah, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."
Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!

Golf GenieA couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied." No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant more...

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!", she exclaimed."No", said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.""Lets see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.""And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.""I would like to get rid of these love handles, though." "Yeah, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof - out pops a genie."Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.""It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.""It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those more...