Gang Jokes / Recent Jokes

A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.

Here’s a story from Malaysia – police detained a group of little people burglars that called themselves ‘The Midgit Gang.’ Now authorities don’t know much about the gang, but do believe that Tom Cruise might be the ringleader.

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted.

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says,' I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either.'

'Tell you what,' St. Peter says.' If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I'll let you in.'

The guy thinks for a moment and says,' OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of' em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a more...

Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.
City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name:____________
Alias:____________
Gang:____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells more...

California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word
problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present:
The City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name: _______________________________
Gang: ___________________________
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13
times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he
has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to
Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he
doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks
will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit?
4. Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more more...

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
“It ain’t so bad, ” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us. ”
The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers–we had $100 when we broke in! ”

A little old lady wanted to join a motorcycle gang. She knocked on the door of the local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.

"I want to join your biker club," she proclaims.

The amused biker told her that she needed to meet certain requirements before she was allowed to join. First he asks, "You have a bike?"

"Yeah," the little old lady says, pointing to a Harley parked in the driveway. "That's my Harley over there."

"Hmmm," the biker replies. "Do you smoke?"

"Yeah, I smoke," says the little old gal. "I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a moment, then she says, "No,never been picked up by the fuzz. But I have been more...