Iron Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of' em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to more...

    The Lucky Frog
    Abe lives in Tel Aviv. One day, he takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. Abe thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron". Abe looks around and doesn`t see anyone.
    "Ribbit. 9 Iron." And then Abe realises that the frog is doing the talking.
    He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the hole. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that`s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." Abe decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
    "What do you think, frog?" Abe asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." Abe takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. Abe is befuddled and doesn`t know what to say. .
    By the end of the day, Abe has golfed the best game of more...

    Iron the Red Atom Molecule
    (to the tune of "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer")

    There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
    Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
    But do you recall
    the most famous element of all?

    Iron the red atom molecule
    had a very shiny orbital
    And if you ever saw him
    You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
    All of the other molecules
    used to laugh and call him Ferrum
    They never let poor Iron
    join in any reaction games.
    Then one inert Chemistry eve
    Santa came to say
    Iron with your orbital so bright
    won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
    Then how the atoms reacted
    and combined in twos and threes
    Iron the red atom molecule
    you'll go down in Chemistry!

    Still hoping I'm not the only one who finds verse humor funny:
    In Stamford, at the edge of town, a giant statue stands:
    An iron eagle sternly clasps the crag with crooked hands.
    His pedestal is twenty feet, full thirty feet is he.
    His head alone weighs many times as much as you or me.
    All day, all night he keeps his watch and never stirs a feather.
    His frowning brow glares straight ahead into the foulest weather.
    They say this noble bird will spread his iron wings and fly
    The day a virgin graduates from Stamford Senior High.
    O, evil day when he shall rise above the peaceful town,
    Endanger airplanes, frighten children, drop foul tonnage down!
    So let not this accipiter desert his silent vigil,
    But yield to me my darling, Stamford's finest, Susan Kitchell.
    - Edward Allen

    These are real labelings on real products that they sell around the world.
    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...)
    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a SUGGESTION.)
    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Hmm, a no go on the dessert)
    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Really? I thought it would be cold)
    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Oh darn, I was going to!)
    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (That would really bring down the number of construction accidents by keeping those 5-year-olds off of those forklifts!)
    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And I'm taking this because?)
    On most brands of more...

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