Gallon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint. Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You more...

BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18.
How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint more...

Buying paint from a hardware store:Customer: Hi, how much is your paint? Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like? Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please. Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
Buying paint from an airline:Customer: Hi, How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, Sir that all depends. Customer: Depends on what? Clerk: Actually, a lot of things. Customer: How about giving me an average price? Clerk: Wow that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same paint. Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint. Clerk: Well, First I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is $200 paint. Customer: What? When would I have to paint more...

A stranger walks into the local bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s an alligator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her. ”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be out of your mind to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the rest is even crazier.
After sinking a few pints, the stranger stands up and summons the bartender.
“Wherez zat teeqeelah? ”
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp with tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back more...

Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in more...

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over
the bar: FREE BEER FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper
tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing
it. SECOND, there's a' gator out back with a sore tooth... you have to
remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman upstairs who's
never been satisfied. You gotta make things right for her.

Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to
be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila!!

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs
it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers
out back. Soon all the people inside hear the more...

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0.30, $0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of... - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon - Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon - Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon - Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or more...