Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Row Row Row Your Boat)
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend.
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
he stuck his thumb up his ass
and found his uncles underpants
and said "What a good boy am I"
Mary Mary quite contrary
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
Mary was a kiky slut and gave them H.I.V
Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies,
just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants
and give me some booty."
Hickory Dickory more...

there was a little kid named jr and he hurd is sisther say bicth and he asked is sisther what does bicth mean and his sisther said it means a old lady and then he hurd is dad say shit and he asked hid dad what does shit mean and he said food and then he hurdd hid mom say fuck and he asked hid mom wat does fuck mean and she said when your changing your close so his grandma came to hid house and he esaid come in bicth there is shit on thee table and my parrnts are fucking up stars

(the music of row ur boat)
fuck fuck fuck a duck
screw a kangaroo
gang bang an orangatang
orgy at the zoo
**NiKkI ScoTt**

There were three princes and they were all after this one princess. So the kings says "the
one who will marry my daughter is the one that fulfils these three tasks". The three tasks were
1)to swim a mile
2) to jump over a puddle that was 10 feet long and
3) to fuck a cow.
So the first prince, he tries to swim a mile, but as soon as he gets into the water (because he can't swim for shit). The second
prince, well he swims a mile and jumps over the 10 feet long puddle, but can't fuck the cow
(because he has no clue of what fucking actually is). Now, the third prince, he swims a mile,
jumps over the puddle, and he fucks the cow (and he fucked the cow real good). So, the kings say
"o. k., now you can marry my daughter". The third prince says, "forget your daughter, i want the
cow"!!!

1. When people point at their wrist when asking for the time. I know where my fucking watch is, where yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the fucking bathroom is? No!
2. When you go to a movie and someone says"
Did you see that"
? No I paid five dollars to come to the theater and stare at the fucking floor.
3. When I am waiting for a bus and someone asks me if the bus came yet. My reply is "
Yeah, but ya know, I just decided to wait around for the next one you freakin knobhead."
4. When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the fuck would I keep looking if I already found it?
5. When people say life is short. What the fuck? Life is the longest fucking thing anyone ever does.
6. When people spend more time and energy looking for the damn TV remote rather than just getting up off their lazy asses and changing the channel manually. Why do people do this?

1. When people point at their wrist when asking for the time. I know where my fucking watch is, where yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the fucking bathroom is? No!
2. When you go to a movie and someone saysdid you see that? No I paid five dollars to come to the theater and stare at the fucking floor.
3. When I am waiting for a bus and someone asks me if the bus came yet. My reply is Yeah, but ya know, I just decided to wait around for the next one you freakin knobhead.
4. When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the fuck would I keep looking if I already found it?
5. When people say life is short. What the fuck? Life is the longest fucking thing anyone ever does.
6. When people spend more time and energy looking for the damn TV remote rather than just getting up off their lazy asses and changing the channel manually. Why do people do this?
Written by Brian Carter

a kids mum is putting on makeup. she then says shit. "what is shit" asked the kid. "its another word for putting on makeup said the mum. then the kid goes to the park where a man is selling condoms. "what are condoms asked the kid. condoms is another word for coats sed the man. at home the kids mum and dad are having an srgument and are calling each other bitches and bastards. what are bitches and bastards asks the the kid. bitches and bastards is just another word for ladies and gentlemen sed the kids parents. in the kitchen the kids dad is cooking a chicken and he says fuck. what is fuck sed the kid. it is another word for cooking the chicken says the dad. later on the doorbell rings and the kids parents tell the kid to answer the door. so the kid answers the door and says bitches and bastard may i take your condoms my mum is upstairs shiting on her makeup and my dad is in the kitchen fucking the chicken.