Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said,"Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little fuck?"
She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little fuck!"

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don`t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fuck`n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don`t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn`t help mutter, "Oh fuck¦" The priest said, "That`s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".

Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
should
probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

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1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
enough to build up pressure.

5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
way to shut a woman up!

7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

9. more...

Of fuck i think ive gone blind
Calm down nan were in holister

REAL STORY: A Cork Radio Station in Ireland, 96 FM, was running a competition to find contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali for a week.
The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two, needless to say, stood out:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave.
DJ: Dave, what is your word?
Caller: Goan: spelled G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an.'
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now, for a trip for two to Bali, can you make a sentence using that word and at the same time making logical sense?
Caller: "Goan fuck yourself!"
At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that there was no place for that sort of language on a family show.
After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the more...

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.

Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to fuck me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my more...

A radio station is holding a competition for a trip to hawai. Somebody rings up, tells them a word that isn't in the dictionary and then puts it in a sentence. This is how it went
First caller: Hi my name Adam and my word is G-o-a-n pronounced "
Go an"
.
Presenter: Okay thats not in the dictionary now whats your sentence.
Adam:Okay, Goan Fuck yourself
he was cut off
There no others winners until
Brain: Hi my names Brian and my word is
S-m-e-e pronounced "
Sme"
.
Presenter: Ok whats your sentence
Brain: Well its,
Smee again Goan Fuck yourself
The competition ended there